Inside Out

I have been wondering why things haven't been changing for me lately, and just realized that it is because I have done nothing to change them! Sounds simple enough, but was difficult to see that I was the one holding my holding pattern. Little changes here and there add up and can bring me closer to where I want to be. I've decided I need to work on me, from the inside as well as the outside. There are things I can do. Such as painting. It is an outward expression and activity, but it has so much to do with what goes on inside. I have had the canvases and brushes sitting in my room for months. They have been as blank as I have been feeling. But I am trying to remedy all of that by being active and involved in my life again! Like today, I went to a little Italian festival downtown and caught a movie with a friend. Little things, but they make life more exciting and stimulating- a stimulus that ushers improvement.

Just don't know...

A lot of my posts recently have been laced with an air of despair. Unfortunately, this will be another one of those. Like Jack of The White Stripes sings, "I just don't know what to do with myself". I feel like things go well for a few days, but then everything falls, like a cake if you open the oven door too prematurely. I am proud of myself for at least getting to the gym as frequently as I have been- five days a week! But this is purely superficial, everything inside is still out of shape. Somebody help me get right!!!

Traveling Thoughts

I was just at home in Pocatello this past weekend and really enjoyed my drive there. It's amazing to me where my mind goes when given free reign and with changing stimulus. Little realizations that are mostly forgotten (as I am not prolific in the writing while driving combo), beautiful views that bring you to ponder the more expansive views of mortality and just a time to be free of daily pressures.

Unanswerable Question

What to do?! I get so bored sitting at work and then go home with no energy to do anything!

Blah with Visions of More

I am just plugging along at a job I don't like, living with roommates who intimidate me and wishing for a bit of the fabulous existence that seems to swirl above and around me but always just out of reach! It may all sound abysmal, but I am really doing just fine. I sent off some of my recent poetry last night to everyone in my network. I think people get bored of it, but I get a thrill sharing it all the same. I've been spending a lot of time online at work lately and exploring the lives of friends of friends. People are so interesting! It can be a small world at times, but there are always big things going on for someone.

Only Human?

We all make excuses. I am a king in that realm. But as the old reliable "I'm only human" came into my mind I thought, "Well that's just not true". Human and mortal we are, but not only. These mortal shells are simply homes for the immortal that we eternally are. That gives us a power undeniable- a help and urge to move onward. We are told that with God, all things are possible. So with the compound of flesh and spirit, both of which God supplied us, we are really not as weak as we allow ourselves to be sometimes.

Ascension

Sometimes while sinking, we must reach the very bottom before we can start our ascent back into the light. This is the journey I am beginning...

Platform

Here is my latest poetic creation for you to enjoy, or not... "Platform" Slow paces move : one forward / Wipe the eyes : smear the face / They wouldn't recognize : rigid features / Live on a platform : to exhibit life / Passersby never : an audience make / Movements- ever slight : do not garner glances / Stars go out : the silence shudders / Live in the rain : to melt away / ~Jeremy Hill *Live is used as a verb, not an adjective. **The system would not allow me to use my regular display, so (:) means end of a line and (/) means end of a stanza. There is no punctuation except after the word "Movements".

Suddenly nothing's changed...

So I guess I am not moving for now. Funny how some things change direction on you when you least expect them to. I've decided, however, that this is a good thing. Normally, I let the change around me dictate how I react to my life. I am now reevaluting this stance. I think my lesson this time around (there is always a lesson) is to make the changes happen from within, not from without. It is a little frightening to step outside of the comfort zone I have built around myself (I think I have added on too much in the last couple of years). But it is exciting to think of what adventures may lie just out my front door...

Rebirth of SLiCk

I've recently had a number of invigorating experiences and time spent with people I enjoy. Maybe it's because it's spring- a time of rebirth, or maybe I'm just sick of nothing eventful happening for me, but I have lately felt a continual urge to uproot from this moldy bed I'm in and frolic with the other mobile creatures. I've started this process of ambulation by looking for a new place to live. That always livens things up for a bit. This move will join the plethora of previous relocations that have all ended with thuds. I'm hoping to find somewhere I will feel comfortable hanging my hat and roommates that will allow me to put that hat back on and go hit the town with them. People are an important part of this balanced existence and I've been malnourished!

Obstacles and Strengths

It has been a while since my last post. I think I've been afraid of the standard of thought I had set for myself. But I have recently realized that there will always be obstacles to everything. It is a matter of understanding that there is a way through them. Sometimes it will be around or over, but mostly it will be through. I feel that we are tested most strongly by the components that make up our strengths. If we recognize these strengths, and are proud of them (as we should be), we will see that we want to push through darkness and thickness to embrace these strengths. Allowing ourselves to be consumed by the hardship will only keep us further away from the joy that is found in those personal strengths. I want to live in harmony with my gifts, not in dissonance with them. The morning follows the night bringing with it the light that inspires us to go onward into the darkness and emerge triumphant.

Living Imagination

I just watched Finding Neverland last night and loved it! It was like watching a play, intimate and involving. It was one of the warmest movies I've seen in a long time, and yet, like nothing else I've ever seen. It was very inspiring. It made me hope and see that there are people out there like me- that imagine their lives to be something very different than they really are. Like living another life inside of your own. Not like schizo or anything, but like being an actor and playing different parts at different times to break up the monotony.

More...

Please visit my additional blog at http://spaces.msn.com/members/jerslists where I indulge my passion for list-making and organization.

Try too hard

I've decided I try too hard at perfection and in so doing I miss opportunities for living. I try to plan my life and end up missing out on it instead. I want to learn to allow myself some lead way for experiencing rather than cutting myself short because something may not work on paper. I want to be free of my own prison. I want to fly and breathe and feel the earth in my hands (but only if there's a sink nearby to wash it off afterwards- you see what I mean about the perfection!). My brother thinks I need to drink every now and again to loosen up, but I feel that I just need more creative outlets and fun-loving people around me. I think it would be marvelous to throw pottery and start painting and join a gym (the body must be kept in a position to allow the mind to grow). So here's to an entrance, a new path...

In the beginning...

In the beginning, Jeremy saw that it was good...and thus began the creation of creation...